Forgiveness requires the wrongdoer to apologize, ask for forgiveness and provide restitution if possible. Only at that point should the wronged person forgive the one who wronged them. This process may even lead to a deeper relationship, since the past wrongs will be removed from the relationship. In the absence of such an apology, the one who has been wronged may be able to understand that their anger and hurt harms them and they will want to let go of the wrong. The ability to put the wrongdoer’s behavior into a larger context may help, but this is letting go and not forgiveness.

–Rabbi Adam D. Fisher

illustration by Andrea Desco