DID YOU SEE: the Atlantic on Michael Kimmel

Stonybrook professor Michael Kimmel has a long distinguished career as an author, activist, and educator about men and masculinity. (His anthology The Politics of Manhood includes an essay by me.) So I was glad to see this article about him, “The Bro Whisperer,” in the online version of The Atlantic. The work he’s been doing for years has laid the groundwork for the movement to address rape and sexual assault on college campuses.

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A key passage in the article: “Much of the national conversation has focused on reducing binge drinking and prosecuting perpetrators. A more overlooked problem, according to Kimmel, is that many college men are insecure, unprepared for sex, and desperate to prove themselves to their friends. He says many of them approach hookups with the mentality that “sex is a battle: I have to conquer you, I have to break down your resistance.” The challenge, then, is to make men want sex that’s less like a battle and more like an unusually satisfying UN meeting, where everybody understands the proceedings and gets a vote.”

You can read the whole story online here. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Quote of the day: THE PARADOX OF PORN

Have you become desensitized to sex since starting porn and escorting?

No. What it has done is it has made it so in my personal sex life it’s more important to have a connection. There’s more passion now in my personal sex life. Touching and kissing and holding and really intense eye-to-eye connections, because you don’t get that in porn. I don’t know if I want to say this but porn is all about really uncomfortable positions so the camera can get the angles. Put your leg up here, stuff like that. Nothing you would ever do in your real life. I’ve held these positions for so long sometimes your body just aches. So I find myself needing the connection so much more now. Which I think is good. I was always worried before that I wasn’t going to appreciate sex any more. But it’s actually done the opposite.

— porn star Rocco Steele, interviewed by Adam Baran for Thesword.com