QUOTE OF THE DAY: Passion Vs. Addiction

PASSION VS. ADDICTION

The difference between passion and addiction is that between a divine spark and a flame that incinerates…Passion is divine fire: it enlivens and makes holy; it gives light and yields inspiration. Passion is generous because it’s not ego-driven; addiction is self-centered. Passion gives and enriches; addiction is a thief. Passion is a source of truth and enlightenment; addictive behaviors lead you into darkness. You’re more alive when you are passionate, and you triumph whether or not you attain your goal. But an addiction requires a specific outcome that feeds the ego; without that outcome, the ego feels empty and deprived. A consuming passion that you are helpless to resist, no matter what the consequences, is an addiction.

–Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

Advertisements

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Ego

EGO

When each thought absorbs your attention completely, it means you identify with the voice in your head….This is the ego, a mind-made “me.” That mentally constructed self feels incomplete and precarious. That’s why fearing and wanting are its predominant emotions and motivating forces. When you recognize that there is a voice in your head that pretends to be you and never stops speaking, you are awakening out of your unconscious identification with the stream of thinking…. Who you are is not the voice – the thinker – but the one who is aware of it.

–Eckhart Tolle

DID YOU SEE…?: Michael Pollan on psychedelics in the New York Times Magazine

Michael Pollan, author of the best-selling book How to Change Your Mind, had a big impact on my life. His article “The Trip Treatment” in The New Yorker in February 2015 alerted me to the renewed clinical research on the use of psychedelics for medical treatment. What I read about how effective it’s been to treat cancer anxiety with psilocybin excited me so much that I went looking for any available programs for training psychotherapists to do this important work. Lo and behold, I discovered that the California Institute for Integral Studies in San Francisco has launched the country’s first certificate program in psychedelics-assisted psychotherapy. At the Psychedelic Science 2017 conference in Oakland, California, organized by the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS), I met the woman who envisioned and oversees the program, Janis Phelps, along with many participants in the first cohort of trainees. Altogether these experiences inspired me to enroll in the year-long program (officially called the Certificate Program in Psychedelic-Assisted Therapies and Research, or CPTR), which I’m halfway through.

Michael Pollan sat in on our first weekend of training in March and incorporated his observations into an article (“My Adventures with the Trip Doctors”) adapted from his book that appeared in the Sunday New York Times Magazine in mid-May. It offers a good summary of his book and the state of psychedelic research. How to Change Your Mind and Tom Shroder’s book Acid Test: LSD, Ecstasy, and the Power to Heal impressed upon me the rich potential of psychedelics for treating depression, addictions, and post-traumatic stress disorder as well as for “the betterment of well people,” in the words of Bob Jesse, creator of the Council on Spiritual Practices.

Readers of this blog may look forward to more posts on this subject.

BOOKS: The Paradox of Porn

I’m delighted to announce the publication of my new book called The Paradox of Porn: Notes on Gay Male Sexual Culture.

Based on my twenty years of experience as a sex therapist/educator and pleasure activist, this book-length essay explores the topic of pornography from a unique, specifically gay male perspective, surveying in depth what’s valuable and what’s problematic about the ubiquitous forms of erotic imagery we encounter on a daily basis.

My intention in writing the book is the same one that drives my professional practice: to encourage and support gay men in having more pleasurable and more satisfying sex. I would like to share more widely the questions, discoveries, curiosities, and wisdom that I encounter every day of my working life.

Pornography is integral to gay male culture: obsessively consumed and almost never discussed, it is the shamefaced step-child of desire and the imagination.

Almost all gay men look at pornography almost every day, whether it’s commercial clips on XTube, handheld homemade videos on Tumblr blogs, or pic-swapping on hook-up apps. Yet we almost never talk about what we watch, what it means, what we like and don’t like. When porn is discussed publicly, it’s often addressed as a problem related to addiction, dysfunction, or exploitation. We nod our heads thoughtfully . . . and then go home and pleasure ourselves to whatever version of porn currently entertains us.

To understand the siren call of pornography, it’s important to consider both what’s valuable and what’s problematic about this alluring form of entertainment. In our heart of hearts, gay men know that pornography has played a special role in our sex lives. It has taught us what desire between two men looks like; it has helped us figure out what turns us on; it has supported us in not feeling so alone; it has gotten us through times of loneliness and isolation, disease and disconnection; and it has contributed to many pleasurable orgasms. At the same time, the images from porn that are now ubiquitous in our lives have shaped and often distorted our ideas about what sex is, what normal bodies look like, how people make connections, and how we feel about ourselves. It has been hugely liberating and hugely oppressive. And that’s the paradox of porn.

This is not a scholarly treatise but an informed, opinionated, open-ended, sometimes extremely graphic meditation on the topic of pornography and its impact on gay male sexual culture. The Paradox of Porn speaks to anyone who wants to explore and expand their understanding of the impact pornography has had in their lives.

Here’s what some eminent authors have said about the book:

The Paradox of Porn is the best book about pornography, the lives and imaginations of gay men, and state of erotic gay culture written to date.” – Michael Bronski, author of A Queer History of the United States

“Sane, helpful, and fascinating.” – Andrew Holleran, author of Dancer from the Dance

“Don Shewey’s book is wise, informed, and fearless. The Paradox of Porn busts through several closet doors and explodes taboos. A rich and rewarding read.” –Jay Michaelson, author of God vs. Gay? The Religious Case for Equality

“Frank, smart, and unafraid. Definitely a welcome addition to the conversation gay men should be having.” –Wayne Hoffman, author of Hard, Sweet Like Sugar, and An Older Man

You can read an interview with me about the book published by the online magazine Edge here.

The book is available for order online here. It’s being sold at independent bookstores in New York, San Francisco, and Seattle. Ask your local bookstore to order it for you.

THE PARADOX OF PORN: invitation to join my book launch team

 
I’m excited to announce that I’m about to publish my new book, The Paradox of Porn: Notes on Gay Male Sexual Culture, which explores the impact of pornography on gay men’s lives. And I would like to enlist your help launching the book.
 
I’m forming a Paradox of Porn Book Launch Team (POP BLT) of 30 people to spread the word to people who might be interested to know about the book. Want to join my team?
 
Here are the benefits. You get:
• An electronic edition of the book in advance of publication.
• An autographed copy of the paperback book when it’s out (June 15).
• A shout-out of gratitude to you on my blog (joy-body.com).
• A selection from my hefty collection of vintage porn DVDs.
 
In return for these goodies, I ask for three commitments:
• Write a short review on Amazon or another e-tailer site—good, bad, or mixed.
• Help spread the word about the book on whatever social media platforms you frequent, especially during the week of June 15.
• Share ideas and brainstorm additional ways we might further expose the message of the book to an even greater audience.
 
Interested? Email me here and let’s get started.
 

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Your Body

YOUR BODY

Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body’s deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the body’s superficial desires for love, you are bringing your body home and moving toward integration and unity.

–Henri Nouwen